


Nachos Libre

by redandgold



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M, Snapchat, Whipped Cream, Wonderwall, also starring: pedro the tiny violin player, bertie the guy who wants to fall off a cliff, fourteen drunken firemen singing what do we think of tottenham, hunchback costumes, in which i use a lot of crack to deal w my feelings, louis the dog, manuel the nachos man, not in the drug sense...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-31 23:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6492640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redandgold/pseuds/redandgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[00:24:27] Mr. Neville, the only reason you haven't been kicked out yet is because our manager is a United fan, and I fear that footballing loyalties might only go so far. Please tell us why you need a trouser press.<br/>[00:24:41] Mr. Neville?<br/>[00:24:45] The dog needs pants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nachos Libre

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aliccolo (guti)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guti/gifts).



> OR: O Brother, Where Am I  
> OR: No Country For Old Man  
> OR: Once Upon A Time In Mexico  
> OR: O Brother, Where Are My Nachos  
> OR: No Country For Old Nachos  
> OR: how I deal with my sadness 
> 
>  
> 
> "I only had myself to blame for another spell out of the team - a rare lapse involving K cider. Strong stuff, that." - actual Gary Neville quote, 2011 
> 
>  
> 
> (best viewed on computer bc I had to squeeze the margins and I'm not sure how it'll look on mobile)

**NACHOS LIBRE**

_free nachos_

 

\---

 

 

 _The Other Neville created group "GayWatch"  
_ _The Other Neville added you_

 **Scholes:  
** ?  
Do you mean GaryWatch Philip

 **The Other Neville:  
** oh fuck

 

_The Other Neville changed the subject to "GaryWatch"_

 

 **Butt:  
** The first one was tru enough tho

 

shut up, Butt

 

 **Butt:  
** You added _Carragher?_ Smh

the fuck does that even mean

 **Scholes:  
** Scousers munching ham

the fuck, Scholes 

 **Scholes:  
** Tell me you're not eating a ham sandwich right now.

um  
thats besides the point

 **The Other Neville:  
** GUYS  
GUYS GUYS GUSY STOP ARGUING!!!  
WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY !!!  
PLS OMG!!!

 **Giggs:  
** m8 

 **Scholes:  
**.....and it is?

**The Other Neville:**

GARYS GONE MISSING  
IDK WHERE HE IS  
SOMEWHR IN SPAIN???  
HES NOT RESPONDING TO TXTS

 **Beckham:  
** Wasn't he packing or something?

 **Butt:  
** I thought he was going to Barbados

 **Giggs:  
** He told me Maui

 **Scholes:  
** Oh.

Wat?

 **Butt:  
** Wat?

 **Giggs:  
** What?

 **Butt:  
** Fine Ryan b a spelling bee  
Bzzz  

 **The Other Neville:  
** SCHOLESY  
WHAT  
DO U  
KNO

 **Scholes:  
** Just remembered.  
Couple months ago he said if he ever got sacked he'd found this hotel in Cancun.  
Crown Paradise Hotel or something.

ive been there  
wait  
fuck

 **Scholes:  
**.....what did you tell him about it

Uh  
Free booze

_Butt changed the subject to "Find Gaz b4 he destroys the world on .5 pints of cider"_

 

\---

 

[22:30:07] Front desk, how may we help?  
[22:30:15] Hello?  
[22:30:16] Hi. Uh. What's the strongest drink you have?  
[22:30:18] That depends, sir. What do you f -  
[22:30:19] Actually, send them all up. All of the drinks in your hotel. One of each. And get, like, a really, really, really, really big cup.  
[22:30:22] We will shortly, sir.  
[22:30:22] And could I have a guitar?

 

\---

 

**Your Bank Account Details**

31 March 16  VIS  PARTYWORLD

                            6 X MEXICAN SOMBRERO HATS

                            6 X MOUSTACHES

 

\---

 

 **The Other Neville:  
** WHY ARE ALL THE FLIGHTS TO CANCAN BOOKED  
*CANCUN

 **Giggs:  
** Y does ur phone autocorrect to cancan??????

 **Butt:  
** Is there something ur not telling us phil

 **Giggs:**  
omg  
I bet he makes his frogs do the cancan 

 **The Other Neville:  
** THIS IS NOT FUNNY

its always funny when ur around phil!

 **Butt:  
** AYYYY  
High five carragher  
ill buy u ham

Im not eating ham

 **Scholes:  
** Not now, maybe.

 **Beckham:  
** Cancun's not that far from where I'm at  
Phil you want me to have a look?

OH well what do u know there's a flight in half an hour!!  
I can get on that  
Dw beckham  
Curl ur hair

 **Beckham:  
** I don't curl my hair

 **Butt:  
** I do!

 

\---

 

[22:52:14] Front desk, how may we help?  
[22:52:14] There's an _awful_ lot of noise coming from the room next door. 223. Someone's singing the Macarena very badly.  
[22:52:18] We'll have that checked out for you, sir.  
[22:52:20] Oh, wait, it's just become Wonderwall. Except they seem to have changed the lyrics. 'You're gonna put none past Dave.' Who's Dave? Oof. Did you hear that? I think they just fell off their bed.  
[22:52:28] We'll have that checked out for you, sir.

 

\---

 

"Hello?"

Becks. Beeeeeeecks. How the fuck did you survive - how many years was it in Spain again? IT'S SO FUCKING HOOOOOOOOT. Like you. You're hot. I mean. Carra's hot too, but you are. Whew. GQ, yeah? Sexiest man? Sexy. Smexy."

"Gary for the love of god stay where you are and don't move - "

"OH. OHHHHHHHHH TOO LATE. I'M AT THE WINDOW."

"Gary don't do anything stupid -  "

"HEYYYYYYYYY MEXICO. I love you. Lalalalalala bamba! Were those enough las? DO YOU THINK ADAM LALLANA SINGS LA BAMBA IN THE SHOWER BUT USES HIS NAME INSTEAD."

"Gary. Okay. Come away from the window and sit down and we'll talk this out, right? Just stay on the line and we'll talk the whole thing out."

"You don't call the Neville. The Neville calls you."

"Gary, what the fuck does that m - "

"I'm throwing my phone out the window."

"For fuck's sake - "

"BYE B - "

 

\---

 

**Your Bank Account Details**

31 March 16  VIS  TELCEL

                            9 X HUAWEI Y3

                     VIS  LASTMINUTEMUSICIANS.COM

                            VIOLIN PLAYER

                     VIS  VIOLIN ART

                            TINY VIOLIN

 

\---

 

 **Beckham:  
** CONTACT HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED

no fucking way  
he called you first?????????  
what the fuck

 **Scholes:  
** Carragher, don't be the human version of the phrase 'up shit creek without a paddle'.  
Becks, when was this? What was he doing?

 **Beckham:  
** Five mins ago... he threw his phone out the window......

Okay that phone had SOME SRS SHIT ON IT

 **The Other Neville:  
** I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW

 **Butt:  
** omg share

 **Giggs:  
** was it dicks

 **Butt:  
** Ryan ;)

 **Giggs:  
** ;)

 **The Other Neville:  
** !!!!!!!!!!!!!  
im going to kill u!!!!!!!!!

 **Beckham:  
** Hes totally drunk. he asked if adam lallana sang la bamba using his name

actually

 **Beckham:  
** omg  
srs??  
thats so lame

 **Scholes:  
** So. Full on crisis then. Carragher, how long will you take to get there?  
Get data on the plane.  
Phil, can you check Gaz's credit card records?  
I'll DM you his password

 **The Other Neville:  
** OK HOW DO U KNOW HIS P/W BUT I DONT

I know it too tbf

 **Beckham:  
** me too

 **Giggs:  
** and me

 **Butt:  
** same

 **The Other Neville:  
** im

 

\---

 

**Your Bank Account Details**

1 April 16   VIS     OXXO

                            PURINA DOG CHOW COMPLETE

 

\---

 

 **The Other Neville:  
** Get there soon Carra he just bought a bag of dog food

What the f  
He keeps telling me he doesnt want a dog!!!

 **Beckham:  
** we had a dog

fuck off you didnt

 **Beckham:  
** we could've had a dog

 **Scholes:  
** Don't be the bitterness that is whoever loses El Clasico, you two. Concentrate on the fact that a drunk Gary Neville now has a dog in a room apparently filled with six sombreros and tiny violin music.

 **Giggs:  
** That's a sobering thought

 **Scholes:  
** If only.

 

\---

 

[00:24:21] Front desk, how may we help?  
[00:24:21] HI BERTIE.  
[00:24:22] Oh, god.  
[00:24:23] Could you send up a trouser press?  
[00:24:24] Why do you need a portable trouser press?  
[00:24:26] Because.  
[00:24:27] Mr. Neville, the only reason you haven't been kicked out yet is because our manager is a United fan, and I fear that footballing loyalties might only go so far. Please tell us why you need a trouser press.  
[00:24:41] Mr. Neville?  
[00:24:45] The dog needs pants.

 

\---

 

"Schoooooooooolesy." 

"Fuck's sake, Gaz, is that you?" 

"Noooooooooo. It's a ghoooooooost." 

"Gary Alexander Neville. I am going to kill you and it will not be a nice 'we beat Liverpool I can die happy now' kind of death." 

"I might die before the night's out! You might not have to kill me!!!!!!!" 

"You could have been dead for a week and I'd still come round and stab you. Now will you fucking stand down and just sit on the bed until Carragher gets there?" 

"Jamie's coming? Ermagerd. I should tidy up NO LOUIS DO NOT CHEW ON YOUR MOUSTACHE."

 "Did you name the fucking dog after van Gaal?" 

"It's can't make substitution decisions and falls down a lot." 

"Fair enough." 

"ANYWAY. Pedro says hi. Do you play the violin? CAN YOU HEAR THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS PEDRO PLAYING THE VIOLIN." 

"What, that whining noise in the background?" 

"IT IS NOT WHINING. IT IS THE SOUND THAT ANGELS MAKE WHILE THEY ARE DESCENDING FROM HEAVEN INTO A GLORIOUS JACUZZI FILLED WITH THE NECTAR OF THE GODS." 

"Shouldn't the nectar of the gods also be in heaven?" 

"......WAIT. OH. OH I SEE. Yes. True. Anyway. He's fabulous, isn't he?" 

"If by fabulous you mean so bad that I want to hang up even though this is probably our only chance of calming you down, then yes." 

"You are so mean, OMG." 

"Did you just say 'omg' out loud?" 

"OMG ROFL." 

"...is that Mean Girls on the telly?" 

"I'm a cool mum!!!!" 

"I beg to differ." 

"Please when have I never not been cool?" 

"When you threw a tantrum because someone had put a slightly-darker-shade-of-red sock in with your slightly-lighter-shade-of-red ones. Or when you went to that Halloween party with a West Ham kit inside out and called yourself East Ham. Or the last time you were drunk and you put a lampshade on me and tried to turn me on. Or - " 

"I'm so hanging up on you. PEDRO I'M SO HANGING UP ON HIM." 

"Gaz - " 

"Holy fuck it caught fire." 

"WHAT?" 

"The telly! The telly caught fire! This is so exciting!"

 "FUCKING HELL, GAZ, CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT NOW." 

"I'M HANGING UP. AND DON'T TRY CALLING ME BACK BECAUSE YOU'LL ONLY REACH A TONE AS DEAD AS VALENCIA'S CHAMPIONS LEAGUE HOPES. MUAHAHHAHHAHAHA." 

"God, I am _so_ going to k - "

 

\---

 

 **Scholes:  
** He just called me. Apparently the room's on fire. 

 **The Other Neville:  
** WHAT THE FUCK  
OH MY GOD  
IS HE OKAY

Wait why have I still not been called???????

 **Scholes:  
** Your boyfriend is on fire and you want to know why he didn't call you first?

He's thick af it'll be all right  
Butt, I meant his skin  

 **Butt:  
** Didn't say anything :)

 **Beckham:  
** Though

 **The Other Neville:  
** BECKS I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD

 

\---

 

**Your Bank Account Details**

1 April 16    VIS    CROWN PARADISE HOTEL

                            14 X TEQUILA

 

\---

 

[01:04:11] Front desk. If this is Mr. Neville, I'm not here.  
[01:04:12] BERTIE.  
[01:04:12] My name is not Bertie.  
[01:04:14] Bertie, darling. Make sure those firemen don't drink and drive, yeah? I might have given them too much to drink.  
[01:04:17] The crowd of firemen exiting through the main entrance singing _What Do We Think of Tottenham_ left little to the imagination, sir.  
[01:04:20] I think there was a designated, but I have no idea. Maybe it was their dog.  
[01:04:21] I do not recall seeing a dog leave with them.  
[01:04:23] Oh.  
[01:04:34] Does Mexico arrest people for stealing fire department dogs?   

 

\---

 

**Your Bank Account Details**

1 April 16    VIS    CROWN PARADISE HOTEL

                            9 X BOWLS OF NACHOS

 

\---

 

"Buttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!" 

"Gaz?" 

"Yodel yodel yodel! I can't actually yodel so I'm just saying the word over and over again in hopes that it sounds remotely like yodeling!" 

"Gaz, mate, you gotta stop. Everyone is flipping out." 

"You aren't?" 

"I think it's fucking hilarious. But also please calm down a little, you're starting to scare even me. Carragher will be there soon." 

"What's Snapchat? Manuel keeps talking about it." 

"Wasn't his name Pedro?" 

"OH. I forgot to tell you. Manuel is my other bro. He brought me nachos. We're best mates now. I'm considering disowning the lot of you." 

"Gaz." 

"Snappers, Butters!! What is it?" 

"It's an app. You can get it on the play store. It takes pictures and stuff." 

"Sweeeeeet." 

"Don't forget to add everything to My Story. And also it doesn't work unless you go to that little settings cog in the top left hand corner and check 'everyone' under 'who can view'." 

"Thanks, my mate, my pal, my boy! You're the best. Well, Georgie was, but you're the best butt. REAR OF THE YEAR." 

"I know, right? Giggsy loves it." 

"GNEV2 COMING TO YOU FROM PARADISE CITY. BUT NOT CITY. UNITED. PARADISE UNITED. AGUERNOOOOO." 

"Please still be alive when Carragher gets there."

 

\---

 

 **Butt:  
** We have a problem

 **Scholes:  
** What

 **Butty:  
** I think he may have just discovered snapchat  
He just called me about it  
Idk how he knows how to use it  
He's using gnev2

 **The Other Neville:  
** Oh my god he turned it to PUBLIC???? How did he know how to do that he can't even turn on the heating???

 **Butt:  
** Oh shit that's not good now everyone will see D:

 **Scholes:  
** Nicholas.

 

\---

 

 

\---

 

 **The Other Neville:  
** Are you guys seeing this????????  
im so  
glad only we kno his account's under this name????

 **Scholes:  
** Us and any weird fangirls who just like to type 'gnev2' into social media sites to see what they find.

 **The Other Neville:  
** omg  
do those exist????

U wouldnt know would u!

 **Butt:  
** AYYYYY

 

\---

 

[02:22:22] Hey Bertie.  
[02:22:23] I am not. Bertie.  
[02:22:25] Just wanted to call you to tell you that it's 22222. Isn't that, like, amaze?  
[02:22:27] No. It is not.

 

\---

 

 

\---

 

 **Scholes:  
** Giggsy do you have Lahm's number

 **Giggs:  
** maybe

 **Scholes:  
** did you just send that to Lahm

 **Giggs:  
** maybe

Giggs no

 **Giggs:  
** GIGGS YES

 

\---

\---

 

...at least we know he's alive??

 **Butt:  
** holy shit he totally is messi

 **Scholes:  
** I thought we already knew this whole thing was messy.

Scholes no

 **Scholes:  
** Scholes yes.

 

\---

 

"Phil, love." 

" _Mum_? NO WAIT GAZ?" 

" _Mum?_ " 

"Okay only mum calls me 'love' you've never used my name and 'love' in the same sentence before and I just got thrown, okay?" 

"Mkay. I just called to say I love you." 

"...what?" 

"I just called to say how much I care." 

"Gosh, Gary, I - I didn't expect that." 

"I just called to say I love you." 

"You've just said that, but, er, thanks?" 

"And I mean it from the bottom of my heart."

"Gary." 

"Mm?" 

"Pedro's playing Stevie Wonder, isn't he?" 

"Mhm. What, did you think I wasn't singing along? IT'S A TINY VIOLIN. Just be glad he wasn't playing Part-Time Lover." 

"Oh my g - "

 

\---

 

\---

 

 **Scholes:  
** How do you make a duck lose its identity?  
Throw something at it without warning. It might forget to duck.

 **The Other Neville:  
** Scholesy we r not doing this right now

 

\---

 

**Your Bank Account Details**

1 April 16   VIS     LAIMAIFAIER COSTUME SHOP

                            HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME

 

\---

 

 **Scholes:  
** Carragher. Did you just see what he bought?

No not yet why

 **Scholes:  
** go look.

Oh  
my  
fuck  
no  
he  
didnt

 **Giggs:  
** LUNCHPACK

 **Butt:  
** DID HE BUY WHIPPED CREAM TOO  
guys whoever he calls next tell him to buy whipped cream

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THIS

 **Butt:  
** We were there

Fuck off

 **Butt:  
** I cant wait to see him cavorting with strippers

im going to kill him then im going to kill all of you  
except scholes bc i would probably die

 **Scholes:  
** good shout.

 

\---

 

\---

 

 **The Other Neville:  
** j BOO

 **Giggs:  
** J BOO!

 **Butt:  
** j booooooooooooooo

 **Scholes:  
** _j boo._

 **Beckham:  
** j b o o

i hate you all

 

\---

 

**Your Bank Account Details**

1 April 16    VIS    OXXO

                            PLUNGER

                            BREAST PUMP

                            1 X WHOLE RAW CHICKEN

 

\---

 

"Carra!!!!!!!" 

"Neville is that you oH MY FUCKING GOD I SWEAR I AM ALMOST AT YOUR HOTEL AND I AM GOING TO - " 

"Carra do you have snapchat!!!!!!!" 

".....yes." 

"Give me your snapchat, purty please?" 

"jcarragher23. Why is this important?" 

"I HAVE LE PRESENTS. For your eyes only. Uwu." 

"You just literally said 'uwu'. Oh, god." 

"Huehuehuehue." 

"Jesus christ is that - " 

"CARRA THAT'S MY DICK." 

"Gary, I don't - " 

"CARRA SEE THAT SMILEY FACE I DREW IN THE MIRROR VAPOUR." 

"Yes, but - " 

"I DREW IT WITH MY DICK." 

"This is not happening right now." 

"Oh, huh." 

"What now?" 

"When I send you a snapchatthing directly d'I still have to tick the weird 'my story' foshizzle? Because I did that and now I'm wondering if I should've?" 

"YOU DID N - "

 

\---

 

Phil if you want to keep your sanity do not look at Gary's story

 **Scholes:  
** why  
oh  
I'm going to rub my eyes with hydrochloric acid now

 **Butt:  
** omg  
I didnt know costumes had holes there  
Giggsy we gotta find these 

 **Giggs:  
** !!!  
Carra foursome y/y

n o smh

 **Butt:  
** u googled it!!

 **Beckham:  
** That was a real blast from the past

 **Giggs:  
** FUNNY

 **The Other Neville:  
** wait why shouldnt i click  
wats going on

 **Scholes:  
** Phil.......trust me on this

 **Butt:  
** HES GRINDING W A TREE  
IS THAT DISCO MUSIC

 **Giggs:  
** HE STOLE MY MOVES

 **The Other Neville:  
** w h a t  
I need to kno

 **Scholes:  
** You don't need to know

 

 

 **The Other Neville:  
** I dont need to know  
How do u delete ur brain

 

\---

 

**Your Bank Account Details**

1 April 16    VIS    OXXO

                            SCREWDRIVER SET

                            WHIPPED CREAM CAN

                            DUCT TAPE

 

\---

 

 **Giggs:  
** He got the whipped cream this is not a drill this is not a drill 

 **Butt:  
** Does Houllier have snapchat

 

\---

 

[04:00:01] Daily Mail, how can we help?  
[04:00:03] Er. I'm calling from Cancun. I think I've just walked past Gary Neville humping a street lamp while rapping Baby Got Back, dressed in a hunchback costume and feeding some poor dog wearing trousers whipped cream from a breast pump. Also some other bloke seems to be attacking a raw chicken with a plunger and a guitar. And a third party is carrying - I think - ten ducklings? in his pockets and is stabbing a tiny violin with a screwdriver. And all of them are wearing sombreros and fake moustaches. Even the dog.  
[04:00:47] Oh, splendid.

 

\---

 

Folks we're busted

 **Beckham:  
**?

Mate from the Daily Mail just called  
Wants to know if Gaz is making a fool of himself  
They just got a tip off

 **Scholes:  
** Fucks sake  
How long till you get there?

Twenty minutes?  
Gonna be a close run thing I think they might have a corespondent nearby

 **Scholes:  
** Good luck.  
I hope you find your quarry.  
That has two 'r's, btw.  
It's not hard.

 

\---

 

"NEVILLE YOU FUCKING LITTLE MANC BASTARD." 

"ERMAGERD. CARRA. MY FAVE. MY BOO. HOW ARE YOU." 

"What the _fuck_ is all this cream?" 

"It's deliciousss. It's like Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Oliver and Marcus Wareing got into a kitchen together with the finest ingredients assembled from all over the world and had a high-quality cookoff while the gods sprinkled tasty god-dust over all the food and made everything better." 

"It's whipped cream." 

"Your point?" 

"C'mon, Gaz. We gotta get this cleared up before the Daily Mail gets here. I'll take you back to your room, we'll pack your things, pay off Pedro and Manuel and whoever else - " 

"Bertie!" 

"Bertie. Pay the damage to the hotel, return the ducks, return the dog, throw away that costume, fucking hell, and get the first straight plane out of here." 

"Awwww man. Why do I have to stop? You didn't stop!" 

"I was also 20." 

"Wow. You must've been really fit for a hunchback." 

"I'm still fit." 

"Mmmmm. True. Heheheheh. Carra butt." 

"Remind me to delete the snaps too. Not just from your story but from the world as we know it." 

"Awwww. Can't we keep one?" 

"......all right. But I get to pick." 

"IS IT GONNA BE DICKS."

 

\---

 

Crisis averted he's with me everything's fine

 **The Other Neville:  
** Yessssssssss!!!  
Mission accomplished!!!!!!!!  
get in carra!!!!!  
((((not bed))))

 **Scholes:  
** Plan?

First flight out to LA, hang there until he's sober  
which will probably b two yrs

 **Beckham:  
** We can watch Galaxy games tgt!!

how bout no

 **Beckham:  
** Fine be a spoilsport  
Stevie will hate u

Stevie loves me

 **Butt:  
** this was AWESOME  
we shld do this again sometime  
!!!!!!!!!

 **Scholes:  
** smh

_Scholes left the group._

**Butt:  
** oh come on!!!! wasnt it fun

_Beckham left the group._

**Butt:  
** Phil!!! didnt u enjoy that

 **The Other Neville:  
** I saw my big brother humping a lamppost

 **Butt:  
** fair enough

_The Other Neville left the group._

 

 **Giggs:  
** Butty stop winding ppl up and come shower

Dont type that again  
pls

_Giggs left the group._

**Butt:  
** well I guess I'm going to shower now  
;)

please go  
i dont need to know

 **Butt:  
** We'll snap you  
Bye carra  
I mean  
j boo :)

you f

_Butt left the group._

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. All the pictures except the black screens, 'partyyy', 'turnip and 'ua' are actual pictures Gary Neville took and posted on twitter. The fish and chips one was in response to Phil with the caption 'I'm no liar' and I need to know what the original tweet was pls (and yes, he did compare himself to messi)  
> 2\. Hunchback!jamie was [TOTALLY REAL](http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/in-pictures-when-footballers-christmas-parties-go-wrong-28729267.html)  
> 3\. All the company names for the visa receipts are legit I went to google them  
> 4\. I am totally not a weird fangirl who just likes to type 'gnev2' into social media sites to see what they find  
> 5\. [La Bamba](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp6j5HJ-Cok) // [I Just Called To Say I Love You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bGOgY1CmiU)  
> 6\. Mysteries of the universe: _how does Paul Scholes recognise Mean Girls on the telly_
> 
> thank u to Ali for holding my hand through that mess and not judging me for being an emotional wreck and for defending him so eloquently <3 and for talking all this crack out with me LOL  
>  ~~fuck u to peter lim~~ smiles sweetly  
>  thank u to all of you readers commenters kudosers shippers <3


End file.
